A Death In The Family

Editor's Note: Seamus is our dear friend from college, one of the first to join us out here on the west coast, and number one Bitey-cat sitter. He is in both circles of Bitey and Ellie Mae grieving, but still manages to make us all laugh.

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Hello -

I have finally found the time/courage to write about our dear friend Bitey.I know I'll be coming over later today, but sometimes written words arebetter/easier/more thought driven. And yet still, I'm somewhat at a loss ofwords. So I'll start with the thought that most stuck out while reading thelatest additions to "The Bitey Blog", and hope the rest flows from there inan understandable fashion.

Upon reading about John Updike, I was immediately reminded about a piece ofprose that I have carried in my thoughts for about 20 years, as I wasprofoundly moved by it. At first I thougt it was also by John Updike,because sometimes my memory sucks. So I looked it up by title, "A Death inthe Family" - the title is something I'll never forget. Turns out it's byJames Agee. Ask me who that is later to see if I remember...It's an extremely poetic book about something we must all deal with at somepoint or other. We all have families, and we all die. Some of us are luckyto experience the family part much longer (as Bitey gave you: "Four monthsmy arse!" - Bitey), some of us are unfortunate enough to experience thedeath part much sooner. This book is about a turn-of-the-century's family' sdealing with the unexpected death of it's patriarch. The parts that havealways stuck with me are when that author (what was his name again?...)turns to the perspective of the deceased's 6-year old son Rufus and hisexperience of trying to comprehend the death of his father, who was alivewhen he went to sleep and gone when he awoke.

I do it no justice, but the most memorable part of the book for me is when Rufus finds a moment alone in the parlor and sits in his deceased father'schair, pondering just what this whole "death" thing was. In his curiousity,he drags his finger across the bottom of his father's pipe ashtray.

After inspecting his oily/dry black finger, he puts it in his mouth. He tastessticky-sweet blackness - death. But the taste instantly reminds him of hisfather. He does not know how to react.

This now happens to me every time I see a stray black/blonde 2-inch hairsticking on one of the blankets in the aparment, or the pictures on thefridge, or the food bowls that we don't have the time/courage to move -sticky/sweet black memories, and I don't know how to react. It's so toughto lose a loved one. If there are any typos in this, it's because my otherhand is wiping tears.I've been trying so hard to quell Monica's sadness and to be strong in frontof her (she's been doing great, considering), I haven't really dealt withmine enough. Now Bitey's helping me start. Man, what a great cat he was!I have to say I wasn't much of a cat fan before I met him, but Bitey helpedchange that. Instantly. Ironically my tendency to not favor cats stemmed from being bitten by a cat. But when Bitey bit me that first time, I knew it was love.

I'm lucky enough to have a lot of great memories with the Bite-ster. One ofthe favorite pictures in my head of Bitey was whenever you would hold himupside-down and then scratch his belly. Most cats I knew wouldn't let youhold them, much less dangle them upside-down like a shirt hung on a dryingwire. But Bitey acted is if he expected it, hoping for a belly rub, but ifit didn't come just saying "Hey, it's my mom and she loves me, and I lovethis."These are the things that help us get through these rough times - thethoughts about the good times. The sad thoughts are going to be there too,as that is part of dealing with it all, but I like to think about the goodones whenever I feel overwhelmed by the sad ones.

While I have a lot ofgreat memories with Ellie Mae, I don't have the same quantity as Monica does pull out every detail of those times when Ellie Mae was climbing and goingdown playground slides and trees and her expertise soccer skills... in manyways these memories keep them alive.

I have a feeling Ellie and Bitey are off climbing some new things now. Theywere truly special animals, and blessed to have you both in their lives, aswe were all blessed by having them in ours. To finish I\'ll share with you alittle prayer that I developed as I drove across country while ponderingspirits that have passed to another realm:

O Creator, thank you for gracing us with their presence for the good of allthings everywhere. We pray they had a beautiful life, we pray they have abeautiful afterlife, and we have loved and will love them always. We prayfor their family, friends, and acquaintences, that their pain, sorrow, andsuffering is eased. May we learn to live not only in their absence, butbecause of their presence. We thank you with all of our hearts.

Thanks for sharing Bitey with all of us.

Love and thoughts, Seamus