Ellie Mae was a stray at the side of the road in South Carolina when Monica found her; a German Shepard mix, she was a "big-bellied, flea-infested bundle of joy" who came bounding over to Monica and her sister. They tried to give her away, but Monica just couldn't find a home good enough (a classic symptom of love at first sight) so they took Ellie home to New England.
Ellie loved the woods, farms and horses, but "not the beach so much." She climbed up slides at the park and barked at the kids for her turn. "Mostly, Ellie was a cuddle bug. She had to sleep with you and put a leg, her back or head somewhere on you- to be close to you." Ellie Mae went everywhere with Monica, college, vacation, and finally Los Angeles.
After they moved here, Ellie became sick, and the vets Monica saw couldn't help much. As the local expert on mysterious and costly pet illness, I shared what advice I could, although it all ultimately came down to the same decision...the one Matt and I couldn't bear to make so long ago.
Ellie passed away just a little while before Bitey, and although this cat and dog never met, they are clearly two of a kind.
Ellie Mae in the Badlands of South Dakota on a hot day-----------------------
Hi Jennie,
I am so very sorry and deeply saddened to hear about Bitey. My heart goes out to you and Matt. I know the pain and emptiness you both are feeling, but time will heal as I am learning. Please know you did more than most people would do for their pet and that Bitey was a very lucky kitty to have had such wonderful and very loving owners. You made such an impression on me and to many people with the care you gave to Bitey, he truly was a blessed cat to have you in his life.
I know it is the toughest part letting go, so take the time you need to grieve and let it out. You need to (I still do) Memories can be difficult right now, as I'm sure you are feeling that now, but they can also be comforting when focusing on the good memories - the cute moments with him and him sleeping on your head or giving you that sweet face. Seamus told me he would only do that to those people he felt close to and it happened to him a few times. He said how soft Bitey was and told me about his long pretty fur. I wish I met him and am so sorry that I didn't. I struggle with memories and everyday it's something different. I know it's not easy because you go through the "I would have, should have and could of's"...it's awful, but time will help get you through that and believe you did everything you could and even beyond that.
I still cry and get angry at myself and the vets, but nature takes its course and we sometimes just don't have any control. It a horrible reality that I wish had more flexibility to it.
What calms me, is that I know Ellie knew how much I loved her and I knew how much she loved me and losing them doesn't take it away - of course you want more time with them or their health back(believe me I wish for that still), but..unfortunately that isn't an option. I wish I could have taken the pain away and made her healthy...I said to Seamus so many times how its just so unfair.
Remember the good about him , his personality and how he was to you and Matt. Cherish that special relationship and all the loving memories you have and will have forever. Believe he is in a better place and not suffering - I am trying to do that with Ellie.
At some point I know I will have another dog. I know I will love them and give a good home, as I hope you do with another cat. There are so many animals that aren't as lucky, like Bitey and Ellie and need people like us. Of course when we're ready...and that takes time.
I don't think I'll ever stop missing her and wanting her with me. She was such a huge part of my life and I learned so much from her, yes, a dog, but it's true as I'm sure you can say the same about Bitey.
I understand there are no words that are perfect to say or write in times like these,
but just know that people care and are thinking of you with hope, love, peace and comfort. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Love, Monica
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